Local Resident Offers Her light- hearted, But Meaningful Perspective On Dating For Women

By Deseret Brown

“Men! You can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them, and you can’t beat ‘em up ’cause they’re bigger than you.” That’s what my momma used to say. Now I realize she was misquoting the song “Men”, by the Forester Sisters, but whatever! The point still comes across: what is the deal with men?

Raise your hands high if you know what I’m saying? I know that there are quantities upon quantities of women all across the land who have been devastated by a relationship with a man. I know that you have been put through the ringer. I know you feel me. 

The shocking truth is that I don’t have an answer to that question. I’m still very much single because, quite frankly, I’ve never been too good at creating a successful relationship with a man. Since my first boyfriend at 19, I’ve had more failures than I can count on two hands-I have to use four hands AND two toes! That may be more or less than you, but c’mon, son… I’m only 26! Twenty-two dudes in seven years? That sounds like the title of an indie rom-com that never made it to Sundance. Anyways, regardless of that sad fact, I am proud to say I can still name all of the men I’ve kissed or had some memorable attachment to. See for yourself:

Will, Preston, Schuyler, Rob, Bubba, Sunny, Abriel, Patrick, Mike, Travis, Alec, Jeff, Omar, David, Hayden, Tanner, Ivan, John, Brendan, Ryan, Brahiam, Joe

While I may brag about my ability to rattle their names off, I must truthfully admit that I am not proud of all of these relationships. Some were lovely, but some were downright miserable. A few taught me love (cue “Thank You, Next” by Ariana Grande which will now be stuck in your head for the rest of the day), while a few more shattered my confidence and stamped out a fire in me that I am working tirelessly to rekindle.

Yes, my dear sisters, like many of you, I have been crushed. Crushed like an orange soda; flattened like a pancake; walked on like the red carpet that I should be straight stuntin’ on. But I have risen. I have untangled myself from the web of shame and fear of rejection that many of these relationships hung me in. I have made a step out of the toxic waters of abuse and planted my feet on new, unblemished ground. 

Going forward I am a new woman- still broken- but making a commitment to myself to devote time and energy to being made whole again. How will I be made whole? By committing to me, myself, and I. Not in a selfish “everything’s-about-me” sort of way, but in an “I’m important, too” kind of way. I’m recommitting to what’s most important to me: my faith, my standards, my passions, my dreams,and all of the things that make me me, because it is only in myself that I can find myself, and it is only myself who can stand up for me and choose the love and life I deserve to have.

In this series of articles I share over the next few weeks, I will not bash the men I have mentioned above. I have a high respect for manhood and the men who uphold it. We are their equals and I will not dishonor myself or my womanhood by belittling the opposite sex. My purpose is simply to tell you about the most transformative of the relationships I have experienced in hopes that the lessons I have learned will bring us women paddling in the same boat together.

So here’s to you, my sisters! This is for all of you single ladies out there still trying to slay the game; you young twenty-somethings getting ghosted by your Mutual match, you single mothers looking for a baby daddy, you divorcees looking for your next catch, you never-been-married’s, and you never-been-kissed’s! Here’s to all you taken ladies who went through the desert and high waters to find the man you are promised to! Here’s to sleepless nights, losing our appetites, and shedding tears over the men we’ve loved. Here’s to the bonds that only we, as sisters, can make. And here is to all of the girls who cry. I see you.

Catch me next time for a tribute to emotional self-reliance and a pledge to honor your own heart.